| personal blog. |
[24 Aug 2010|08:00pm] |
I'm bored. No, I can't type that, people will think I don't know what H & R is doing. Which I don't, but I CAN'T TELL PEOPLE THAT. I'm going to type all of this, and then I'm going to delete it. When the hell are the raids going to happen so I can stop staying late in the office and go to Miami?? Seriously.
I can't believe it's only Tuesday. You'd think with all of this technology they would have figured out a way to fast-forward time already.
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| OFFICIAL VIDEO BLOG FROM THE DEPT. OF HOUSING & RELOCATION. |
[04 Aug 2010|05:37pm] |
Brad is once again sitting at his desk in front of a clean white backdrop, a large mug of coffee sitting in front of him. He wears a cheesy smile and a crisp blue button-down shirt that contrasts nicely with the white walls behind him. A stack of papers sits on his desk, and before he speaks Brad shuffles through the papers as though looking for notes.
Hi, everyone. I'm Brad Owens from the Department of Housing and Relocation. It has come to our attention that many residents of our fine New York City think that the upcoming residency inspections are more along the line of "raids." We would like to clear up this issue immediately. A "raid" implies the use of violence and other underhanded methods of making sure that everyone is living in the correct district.
Brad pauses to take a sip of his coffee.
A residency inspection is just you, one or two of New York's finest, and your home. Y'all have nothing to be worried about as long as you comply. Thanks everybody. Enjoy your summers, and be sure to stay out of this heat.
The camera clicks off.
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| personal blog. |
[27 Jul 2010|08:17pm] |
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It's hot. All in favor of me going to the office tomorrow without a shirt, say aye.
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| personal blog. |
[20 Jul 2010|10:48pm] |
Paris Hilton? Seriously? I don't know why I didn't run. I'd probably do a better job than Ms. Hilton, no offense if she's out there reading this. I don't talk about this stuff very often, but it pisses me off when people use their celebrity to get perks like this. What the hell does Paris Hilton know about politics?
Oh, and - congrats Aubrey. I feel like a proud parents, seeing my employees grow up like that. I cried a little.
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| personal blog. |
[05 Jul 2010|10:37pm] |
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Never been happier for a three-day weekend than I was today. Thanks for the party, Harrison, but next time you should probably restrict access to the drinks. Patriotism tends to make people a little rowdy. And if we needed more proof that the US of A is the greatest country on the planet, we're going to the semi-finals. I wouldn't be surprised if we kicked Brazil's ass. I don't watch soccer but this could convert me. USA! USA! USA! USA!
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| personal blog. |
[30 Jun 2010|08:36pm] |
All right. Time to decide what I'm doing for 4th of July. Last year I went back home to Charleston, which is a mistake I'm not really into repeating, but I'll put it on the list because home is where the heart is.
THE CHOICES:
Charlston, South Carolina: Home. Nice place. Would get to see Mom and Dad. Con - my mother will inevitably try to set me up with someone; getting drunk with the family stopped being cool when I was 16. Pro - free food/drinks.
The Hamptons: My brother Chad's annual American Holiday Party. I already did him a favor by going to his stupid Memorial Day barbecue, and I already told him I was going to the Labor Day BBQ. Pro - free food. Con - hanging out with Chad.
NYC - Yeah, I could always stay here. Pro - wouldn't have to go anywhere; could see Harrison get his face blown off by fireworks. Con - No free food. :(
I can only hope I make the right decision. Celebrating Independence Day is a time-honored American tradition and I would hate to choose the wrong location.
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| personal blog. |
[22 Jun 2010|09:30pm] |
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I bet I could run the exact same ad as Lonely Lover and still get twice as many dates as he is. I'm just saying.
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[19 Jun 2010|12:01am] |
PWP: Max Mackenzie
Sorry about the gym thing. I mean I've been going there so long that I take it for granted and I guess I forgot it could use an explanation to some other people. But hey I got my free shit so at least somebody wins here. So...yeah.
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| brad checks up on his ladies. |
[12 Jun 2010|01:58pm] |
PWP: Lilith
Sunday brunch to make up for last night? My treat. All-you-can-drink mimosas/bloody marys/whatever the fuck you like. See, I DO have a conscience.
PWP: Aubrey
Aubrey. How's life?
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[10 Jun 2010|10:03pm] |
PWP: Carter Jackson, Lindsey Kane, Harrison Burns, Charley Thurlow
Found this while looking at NY Times archives. Prepare to be iced. Payback's a bitch, assholes!
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| VIDEO BLOG |
[08 Jun 2010|06:01pm] |
The camera shows a clean-shaven Brad sitting in his apartment, scowling.
I shaved. The receptionist almost didn't let me into the office today because she said I looked unhygienic. Happy now?
The camera shuts off.
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| blog. |
[06 Jun 2010|11:32pm] |
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I love stroking my playoffs beard.
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| personal blog. |
[31 May 2010|06:09pm] |
Greetings from the Hamptons. Just stopping to say a thank you to all of our war heroes and veterans out there; you've done this country an unimaginable service and for that, we thank you.
Anybody else out in East Hampton enjoying their family's summer estates? The annual Chad Owens family barbecue (that's my brother, yes I know that our names rhyme and no I don't think it's funny) looks like it'll be raging into the night. Stop by and I'll mint julep so you can feel like you're back in South Carolina. Or at the Kentucky Derby, take your pick.
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| blog post. |
[25 May 2010|12:25am] |
Any tennis players out there? Or, is my old doubles partner (Max, I miss you, playing tennis against whatshername is only fun because she wears short skirts) willing to find a new doubles partner so that I can play some damn tennis again? It's almost Memorial Day (official start to summer). I can hear the siren song of weekends at the Hamptons in the distance. Et cetera. Blah, blah, blah. Everyone knows a New York summer isn't complete without playing a little bit of tennis amongst all those high rises. Besides, if I don't find someone to play with I'm going to have to call up my brother, and then he's going to invite me to dinner, and next thing you know I'm vacationing with him and his wife in Nantucket and they're trying to set me up with their 36-year-old neighbor named Sandra who has an obsession with cats.
So help a guy out, here.
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| OFFICIAL VIDEO POST FROM THE DEPT OF HOUSING & RELOCATION. |
[15 May 2010|08:36pm] |
The camera is focused on Brad Owens, who is sitting in front of a blank, white wall. On his desk is a cup full of pens and a giant mug of coffee. He smiles at someone off-camera, then turns to face the screen, his look becoming serious.
Good evening, everyone. I'm Brad Owens of the Housing and Relocation. We've been getting a lot of angry phone calls today and we thought it would be best if we put a couple of things to rest and give y'all a few things to keep in mind.
Brad pauses to take a sip of his coffee.
First of all, things aren't going to get violent as long as you cooperate. We here at H & R have no control over what the police do, but we hope they have the discretion to know if and when force should be used - not that it's going to have to be. As long as you cooperate then everything should go smoothly. We're just checking up to make sure that everyone's in the district that's been assigned to them. I know it may seem like a hassle but think about how New York would be if we didn't have districts.
That said, if you're squatting where you shouldn't be - the law's the law. These measures were put into place for the safety of all New York City residents and it would be a lot easier for all of us if you followed the law instead of breaking it.
If you have any further questions, don't hesitate to call.
The camera clicks off.
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| blog post |
[15 May 2010|12:43am] |
FRIDAY NIGHT MATH:
Charleston > NYC
Jaegerbombs > Everything
Friday > Monday
Bro time = priceless.
Stay safe tonight kids don't do anything I wouldn't do, that list is long so if you need further information do not hesitate to ask.
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| BLOG POST: THREE |
[07 May 2010|03:14pm] |
THINGS I CAN'T BELIEVE: A LIST
1. That Tallahassee Sky won the Derby. I bet it's because I didn't go this year.
2. That people still keep calling the office even though I have repeatedly told them that just because refugees are filing into Atlanta and Charleston does not mean that mass chaos will erupt in the streets of New York City. We're doing our best to make sure that all of the districts are running smoothly and you interrupting our work flow with "YOU BETTER MAKE SURE THOSE FOREIGNERS DON'T GET INTO MY APARTMENT COMPLEX" calls and emails doesn't actually make things go faster. And let's be reminded that people from Iowa aren't actually foreigners.
3. That they are actually thinking of rebooting the Batman franchise.
4. That someone hasn't tried to kill the Naked Cowboy yet.
5. That it's a Friday afternoon and I still have no plans for the weekend. This is either a testament to my overloaded work schedule or that all of my friends have abandoned me. Any single, attractive ladies out there looking for a good way to spend Friday night? I might know a guy.
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| PWP: PRIVATE BLOG POST |
[22 Apr 2010|01:28am] |
NOTES TO SELF:
1. Tennis this weekend? Call whatshername. Julia? Becky? See if she is up for tennis/drinks/lunch/something. Hope she doesn't tell her blond friend about our failed date last week.
2. Call Mom.
3. Ponder reaching the new low of browsing the "Casual Encounters" list on Craigslist.
4. Go through temp resumes. Hire at LEAST one person, maybe more.
God, this job. Not that I don't like it but these late nights are killing me. Thank God for overtime. Hopefully whatever it is that Washington's got in the works won't take too much longer. Because people aren't pissed enough about this FBI thing, right? But I swear, if one more Angry Homeowner calls me asking about Midwestern refugees or complaining about some fucking bum from California who's been squatting next door, I'm going to start raiding districts myself. Just one of the many reasons why I'm so thankful to be a) rich, b) not from anywhere west of the Mississippi, and c) American.
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